Batman: Arkham State?

Word has gotten out that an upcoming sequel to the awesomesauce Batman: Arkham City will be a prequel, set in the Silver Age and featuring the Justice League. What do I say? Bullshit.

This would be inevitable, to say the least.

For one thing, it's a Batman game, not a Justice League game. While it would probably be meant to bring up hype for the inevitable Justice League movie, it would also be stupid, if not for the reason that Batman is perhaps the most 'real' of the superheroes, and the games show that.

Except that part.

Now, I'm just a huge Batman fan, so it's not my place to say, (yes it is, fucker) but I want Rocksteady to just outdo Arkham City at every turn. How? Well, I'll tell you.

Number 1 - Keep the Joker Dead

It's already been established that Mark Hamill isn't doing the voice of the Joker anymore. It's understandable, seeing as how it's been thirty two years since the event that drove him insane, and now he's off to graze in less-fatherly pastures. 

I also dislike Brent Spiner voicing the Joker. Makes me sick.

So imagine that Rocksteady has made Batman: Arkham State. All of Gotham State is a prison, and Governor Charles D. Dumfuq III has made the state a huge prison. Batman is still on patrol, and suddenly word gets out that the Black Mask is planning on conquering Arkham State and burn down the fields of Pennsylvania. In addition, Harley Quinn is still torn up about the Joker's death and is waging all-out war on Black Mask's crime empire. Like Arkham City, right? Yes, but it also gives time for new characters to develop, not just the Joker and some other minor character development. We could see some lesser-known villains who may or may not have made cameos, and they can have good roles. Other villains who had small roles - the Riddler comes to mind - in the previous installments can be major antagonists in the sequel. Also, there's lots of room left open for Hush being a major enemy, as in Arkham City, he donned Bruce Wayne's appearance.

Another good thing is Batman's character development. In Asylum, Batman was trapped by the Joker and forced to use his wits (and an emergency Batcave) to fight a guerilla war and win it in a single Bat-night. He developed a little, mainly how he was driven to the edge by the Joker. 

"They trashed by God-Damned-Batmobile! NOOOOOO!"

In Arkham City, Batman was in a similar situation, but was fighting Hugo Strange and Ra's al Ghul. It upped the situation, and also made Batman more cautious since they both know (or, knew, rather) that he is actually Bruce Wayne, and might've used it against him. He also is a bit more driven to the edge, rather early on as well, but he does have enough Bat-level-headedness to see the opportunities he gets; for example, he uses Bane to track down Titan samples so that he can destroy them, and he saves Mr. Freeze's wife Nora, after she is captured by the Joker's thugs. And at the end, (seen more during Harley Quinn's Revenge) Batman has become unstable due to the Joker's death, as has Harley. Now he's trying to stop working with Robin, and he's even more isolated than before.

Now, we can see a development in Batman, and how he has coped. Maybe the DCAU route, where he cuts off Robin and Oracle from helping him. We may also see a Dark Knight Returns/Rises scenario, where Wayne has hung up the Bat-cowl and has been a recluse for some time. 

2 - Keep the Justice League Away

Now, don't get me wrong, the Justice League are cool dudes.

Well, most of the time anyways...

But in a Batman game, I want to see Batman kicking ass and taking Bat-names. Batman.

If I wanted to be Superman or Wonder Woman, (which I wouldn't, because I want to be Batman) then I'll buy a Justice League game. But those don't exist, and if they do they probably suck. Nevertheless, I'd pick Batman anyways, because he's Batman.

Now, why is it such a bad idea, other than it being completely stupid? Well, it takes realism out of it.

I know, I know, a man dressing like a Bat isn't that realistic. But it's the closest to being real. Which makes it relatable. Yeah, we all wish we could move planets like Superman, or even eat them like Galacticus.

But Batman is just a man. Albeit, a man with billions of dollars and a mansion, but a man nonetheless. He has willpower, and knows martial arts. That's it. Even the Power Rangers, with their kickass ninja skills, had magical powers. Though, the Zords are kinda like the Bat-vehicles. And Zordon seems a lot like Alfred. Coincidence?! Probably. 

Anyways, why we like Batman is because he's relatable to regular humans, as opposed to Superman, who is a god-damned alien with some fucked up anatomy that makes him super strong in yellow Sun. In a few thousand years, though, the Sun will be red, and that'll fuck him up a bit. 

3 - More Intense

Now, don't get me wrong; the games are damn intense, and I know that the sequel will be too. But, I want more.

For one, Hush is out there, and he has Bruce Wayne's face. The possibilities are endless. For one, Hush could kill someone and frame Wayne. But that's not all. A huge confrontation with Hush would be very symbolic; Batman fighting Bruce Wayne. A mere appearance, yes, but it could mean that Batman and Bruce Wayne find themselves drifting apart, with the being they inhabit trying to balance them out, much like in the Dark Knight Rises. 

Second, there's still Scarecrow, and boy I cannot wait for this. Scarecrow was supposedly killed by Killer Croc in Asylum, but his mask, as well as a boat containing shipments of bugs to "Dr. Crane" are in Arkham City, as are other hints I'm too lazy to point out. If Scarecrow returns, it'll be big. He'll be pissed at Batman for nearly killing him in Asylum, and it's stated in the Arkhamverse that he's probably very sane - just pure fucking evil. That's good enough to make him a damned effective and powerful villain, being able to drive Batman to the limit more than Ra's al Ghul or the Joker ever could. 

Third, in the DLC Harley Quinn's Revenge, Commissioner Gordon says, in the beginning, "When this mess is all cleared up, we need to talk about that other problem, remember?" Other problem? Holy shit, what could that mean? Now, it could just mean the Joker's death, and Gordon knows something is up. But...

My theory is that perhaps the public thinks Batman killed the Joker, and also Hugo Strange. With them dead, and only Batman, Robin, and Alfred knowing this, the public could brand Batman a killer. Gordon would defend Batman, of course, but in the end, it could mean Gordon being forced to 'retire' and a new commissioner taking over and ordering a manhunt for Batman. That would mean that while Batman is fighting a Hush/Harley Quinn/Black Mask/Riddler/Scarecrow plot, he would also need to do it without the GCPD, and while avoiding them hunting him. Only adding to the sheer badassery, it would probably end with Batman being a hero, and maybe faking his death, a la the Dark Knight Rises. 

Other Shit

Obviously there's more; lots more. Is Harley Quinn really pregnant? Maybe, but probably not. It'd be cool to see an older, Dark Knight Returns-style Batman fighting the Joker's son, but that probably won't happen. Either way, there are lots of stuff that needs to happen, but I hope Rocksteady will pull it off good. 

A Bridged History of These Fifty Colonies of America: Part 1

Today is Loyalist Day for us servants of the Queen, but better known to the rest of the world as "What?". It's a day of reflection, of honoring our ancestors, and of damning men like George Washington and Benjamin Franklin for leading the revolt against our British overlords. But like everything else, our Glorious Motherland succeeded in putting down the insane rebels based in Philadelphia, and then proceeding to hang them and burn the Declaration of Wanting to Separate and Be Pussies.

I'm sure I'm not the only Loyalist girl having an orgasm with this flag.

So while everyone else is out reenacting the beheading of Thomas Jefferson, I am in my brightly-lit office, writing my blog, since I've already seen the reenactment of the sodomization of John Hancock in Saratoga Park. But I figure that as a good Loyalist girl, I'll give all you foreigners a little backstory, and tell you all about our Fifty Colonies of America.

Learn from me, fuckers.

So, it all began a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Pictured: John Paul Jones

On a glorious day underneath the flag of our mighty Empire, now better known as the Commonwealth, a group of people gathered in Boston, in the back alleys, to discuss their next plans of tax evasion. Devilish and hidden they were, for a time, but their dodging of taxes, which would pay for food, medical care, and military protection, was discovered, and they would soon be sent into the dungeons. And they met in the alleys hidden behind the aquarium, one can assume, so they could both discuss their plans and look at the narwhals. 

This is where the Rebel Alliance was born.

And later that night, the heathens dressed up as Native Americans, who have today been granted a wonderful paradise-like reservation, in the land called Wyoming and Other Useless Places. And as Native Americans, these rebels attacked a ship of tea. And damn them. Damn them to hell, the bastards and bitches and sluts and whores. Our tea. Our beautiful English tea, sent down to the bottoms of the deep. Those idiots. Damn them to hell!

But nevertheless, the King, God Bless His Soul, sent the mighty military of the Motherland to the Colonies to fight the rebels at their homes, in their barns, and in their bedrooms, where the powers of seduction with bayonets reigned supreme. And battle after battle was lost, until finally the rebels caved at Saratoga, with Benedict Arnold switching to the winning side and destroying the rebel encampments. 

Just before he is sodomized, General Washington shakes hands with his superiors. 

And so, the march on Philadelphia took the city, and the Continental Congressmen were captured and taken to their respective colonies, where the Loyalist armies sodomized them until they were beheaded by their own willpower. And the Glorious Empire reigned over the entirety of North America. 

The story doesn't end there, though. For as we all know, there were only thirteen colonies at the time, and we have fifty now. And while I will continue this, I must end on a bright note; the democratic appointment of Benedict Arnold to Governor of the United Colonies of America.

Benedict Arnold, God-Governor of America (1789-1797)

To be Continued on the next post, fellow Loyalists. And remember; always drink marmalade before bed, and tea before you wake up.

<3,

Jackie

Another New First Blog Post

Jackie here. Queen of the World. Yes, adoring fans, I am back.

This is you all. Right now.

So now that I'm back. What do I talk about? Everything. 

Politics are on the rise. The Republicans and the Democrats are in a cage match over the control of the White House. And why? When you think about it, the White House is simply a house. There's no power source or anything within it. The true power is at Raven Rock, as we all know.

He's our President in the future.

So why do they fight again? Because they're stupid. But in my opinion, we need a real redneck hobo in the White House. He'd be the best President, and would spend his time shitting on the conference table in the summit with Russia because he drank too much beer the night before.

This is how the home of our nation's leader should look.

Anyways, I forgot what my point is. Not that I really need one, sooooo...

So I've been playing Red Dead Redemption. It's not bad, not at all. Classic Clint Eastwood-style shit. Grand Theft Horse, in my opinion, is the best game I've played yet. Though Skyrim is still up there with it. I still wish they'd come up with some new ideas though.

You would play this.

But for now, I'm content with what I have. 

So for now, this is Jackie, and I'm signing off.

I Have A Blog; God Help the World

Blogging - the official pass time of people on the internet who have nothing to do at night. Masturbation is out of the picture, because who has the arm strength these days? It's that kind of thing that makes me sick to live in the United Diabetes of America.

Even inner city gangs are too lazy to get out and shoot people.

America is in a state of wreck. Ever since we let the son of an overrated conservative riding on the wave of Ronald Reagan's blood get elected over Bill Clinton's environmental sock-puppet, the nation has started to enter a downwards spiral towards unenviable nuclear civil war. The only ones who will survive will be the Amish and anyone who lives in a cave. So... Mormons.

Is that the 'squeeing' of multiple GOP members or the moaning of TLC's Sister Wives?

Sadly, I will not die either, since I have taken the time to prepare my toilet to survive a nuclear attack. I don't need guns; I'm a woman, which gives me a bargaining advantage - something that men can never have without women. That's right. I'm talking about kitchen skills. That's right, I said it. Men can't cook, unless they're possessed by cooks from Hell('s Kitchen) or foreign. Now that is certainly not saying that American boys are not skilled in ways of being somewhat attractive. But Afrikaner accents and British accents are something all boys should have. If not, what else would us women find attractive? Their eyes? Their chests? We can't talk to a chest, or hear advice from someone's eyes. We need communication; it's why we invented phones and the internet. 

Sometimes we women get carried away. This is an example of super-communication.

Oh, I'm sorry... Did you guys think that you made the internet? Well, you're wrong. You may have made many of the vulgar websites on here, but the majority of said websites were made by us women. The same goes for those fundamentalist Christian websites, but that was back in the Middle Ages when most of us were nuns and most of the men were busy either trying to burn Muslims or live in (totally not gay) buildings that were isolated from society (totally not gay.) With only other guys (again, not gay.)

   

I'm just joking; I love homosexual people. I myself am bisexual. Which gives me the opportunity to explore my options. Which is what all politicians should do. Yes, GOP, I'm talking to you. If people tried once in a while, maybe we could get things done. And, maybe the UN wouldn't be such a laughing stock... well... it still would be. But that doesn't matter. We'd have progress, not a miracle. 

That's all for tonight, and I think I've made my point; I'm a blogger now, and expect me to get off track.

<3,

Jacquelyn